Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does it feel to date your dad?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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