What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
