You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize