I can't watch pbs sober anymore
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
whose parrot is this?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
