I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
my poor anus
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
