in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
