By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
