he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize