dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
