billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
