have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
