evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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