so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
