He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
