did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
