If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
