i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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