go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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