He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
