I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
