im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Dick very happy bro
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
