This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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