I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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