i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We are two peas in an std pod
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
there is glitter all over my balls
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