Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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