Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
