so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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