Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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