I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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