I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
