Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
