I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You made out with two different species that night
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
