Duck Duck Cougar?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
