I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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