I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
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