You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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