what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
