I puked a lego.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize