ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
