true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You were trust falling into bushes
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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