dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
