All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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