Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
