I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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