I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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