That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
