An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
