the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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