i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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