TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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