Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
