Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
