WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
