How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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