I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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