So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
