Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
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At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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