I'm going to rape someone's good day.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
