I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
