She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
