Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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