You don't have asthma, your pregnant
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize