Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs