apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.