Texts From Last Night

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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Dude, just got a bummer.

  (1-502): View more from Kentucky

  What??

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  A blow job from a homeless chick.

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  (502): Dude, just got a bummer. (1-502): What?? (502): A blow job from a homeless chick. http://tfl.nu/uf37
  Replies (27) Good night (1039) Bad night (2032)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  Are you high?

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  (630): Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"? (1-630): Are you high? http://tfl.nu/3xxd
  Replies (21) Good night (6801) Bad night (1334)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.

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  (920): She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off. http://tfl.nu/r6m3
  Replies (12) Good night (4460) Bad night (1763)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.

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  (337): Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture. http://tfl.nu/8896
  Replies (3) Good night (1072) Bad night (2286)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god

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  (662): I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god http://tfl.nu/z3js
  Replies (6) Good night (817) Bad night (1515)
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  (714): View more from California

  It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.

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  (714): It's a self-perpetuating puke chain. http://tfl.nu/kvdz
  Replies (2) Good night (637) Bad night (1471)
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  (951): View more from California

  She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.

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  (951): She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer. http://tfl.nu/6dwb
  Replies (11) Good night (2218) Bad night (893)
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  (323): View more from California

  Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?

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  (323): Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you? http://tfl.nu/qb3x
  Replies (26) Good night (954) Bad night (2540)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?

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  (209): Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that? http://tfl.nu/3r87
  Replies (9) Good night (3051) Bad night (607)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way

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  (810): In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way http://tfl.nu/x340
  Replies (2) Good night (516) Bad night (414)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?

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  (248): Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me? http://tfl.nu/52b0
  Replies (1) Good night (589) Bad night (352)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.

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  (540): The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it. http://tfl.nu/w84l
  Replies (0) Good night (505) Bad night (998)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.

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  (216): Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home. http://tfl.nu/lgr9
  Replies (1) Good night (460) Bad night (351)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.

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  (727): I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns. http://tfl.nu/r79e
  Replies (2) Good night (1016) Bad night (271)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"

  (407): View more from Florida

  I was feeling the aftermath of his penis

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  (305): When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa" (407): I was feeling the aftermath of his penis http://tfl.nu/n61i
  Replies (1) Good night (865) Bad night (237)

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