Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
