Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
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