Texts From Last Night

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  (802): View more from Vermont

  every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.

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  (802): every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin. http://tfl.nu/un5l
  Replies (18) Good night (8101) Bad night (1113)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub

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  (817): And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub http://tfl.nu/i3vc
  Replies (7) Good night (1007) Bad night (3281)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.

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  (520): normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees. http://tfl.nu/d0ki
  Replies (11) Good night (4211) Bad night (1168)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.

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  (513): I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY. http://tfl.nu/5vxl
  Replies (7) Good night (2973) Bad night (1041)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.

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  (770): To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present. http://tfl.nu/n1ow
  Replies (8) Good night (884) Bad night (2375)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.

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  (601): I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents. http://tfl.nu/vupc
  Replies (17) Good night (2717) Bad night (979)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.

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  (713): I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells. http://tfl.nu/5vl5
  Replies (10) Good night (1998) Bad night (864)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge

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  (774): I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge http://tfl.nu/5u98
  Replies (6) Good night (1166) Bad night (507)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.

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  (+44): Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking. http://tfl.nu/zbnj
  Replies (6) Good night (1039) Bad night (800)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.

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  (406): Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story. http://tfl.nu/fe6z
  Replies (7) Good night (1513) Bad night (334)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn

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  (615): May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn http://tfl.nu/hucd
  Replies (4) Good night (830) Bad night (354)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs

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  (908): If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs http://tfl.nu/w28c
  Replies (1) Good night (591) Bad night (339)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high

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  (401): apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high http://tfl.nu/w0gd
  Replies (3) Good night (764) Bad night (336)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac

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  (516): I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac http://tfl.nu/kqv2
  Replies (4) Good night (218) Bad night (445)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard

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  (303): I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard http://tfl.nu/t1kd
  Replies (3) Good night (354) Bad night (505)

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