He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love