Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.