smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis