i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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