If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy