Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
