God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
