my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
