He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
