pedialite and red bull = repair kit
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
