I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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