i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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