"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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