I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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