Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
