she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
