U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
