Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I want her autograph on my taint
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
